The University of Richmond Collegian 01/26/95

Staff Editorial

by Jeffrey Carl, Opinion Editor

What We Think

an Opinion from the Collegian Staff

“Down with the Cellar”

The Cellar is opening tomorrow, and while the masses are dancing in the streets over the prospect of a new addition to the University’s nautical-reference food chain (The Pier, The Landing, The Cellar, The Barnacle, The Crusty Old Drunken Vomiting Sailor, The Eel), The Collegian has some doubts about this glittering Sodom and Gomorrah of the Commons.

While we understand that many students on this campus like their drop of fire water now and again, this is hardly the sort of thing to be condoned – nay, promoted – by the University. Ask yourself:do we really need another vice den of iniquity and gluttony on campus, especially one so close to the chapel? Offering a nearby fountain of overpriced sin-juice (beer) to a student body so perilously close to being slaves to the bottle already can hardly be thought as “good” or “wise” or “our pledges are totally awesome.”

Also, we think the food will suck. We aren’t absolutely positive yet, but the food will probably be a heck of a lot like Pier food (try the Cheese Dog and Pita Bread Value Meal) or, even worse, Coffeehouse food (“would you like another pint of grease on that pizza, sir?”).

Entertainment at The Cellar: couldn’t you have just watched TV at home? And where’s the Karaoke? Where’s the big-name rock ’n’ roll acts? And if you try to eat and watch Carrot Top at the same time, you’ll throw up.

During the first couple of months of each school year, when 6 percent of the campus is over 21, TheCellar will undoubtedly provide plenty of valuable storage space for the Physical Plant, or might be used as sorority housing. Perhaps ducks could be stored there over the winter so they don’t freeze, and the school might be able to make money off TheCellar by renting it out as a containment facility for low-grade nuclear waste.

Furthermore, The Cellar is ill-conceived: how can you actually “teach” leadership? The Cellar is responsible for blocking co-ed housing and The Cellar was also seen on the “grassy knoll” in Dallas in 1963. Furthermore, everything that is evil – from world famine to “Small Wonder” – is The Cellar’s fault.

In conclusion, The Cellar is probably going to get a lot of ribbing and chiding in its first week. But we have high hopes that before long it will be another familiar part of the campus, and of our lives, that seems like it was always there. So, best of luck – and the first round is on us.