The University of Richmond Collegian 02/23/95

Staff Editorial

by Jeffrey Carl, Opinion Editor

What We Think

an Opinion from the Collegian Staff

“Speaking in Tongues”

A graduation speaker isn’t just ... somebody who speaks at a graduation. Oh, no. A graduation speaker is a message to the graduating class, an indicator of the character of the college and a status symbol of who you can get to come talk to you.

William Gray, this year’s commencement speaker, is a good catch for the University and demonstrates that somebody besides old grumpy white guys will speak at some official function. Gray has served as a Pennsylvania representative, and later Democratic whip, in the House of Representatives, and now serves as the president of the United Negro College Fund. He serves as an excellent counterpoint to the conservativism represented by former secretary of state James Baker, speaker at last year’s ceremony.

And yet we here at The Collegian can’t help but wish that we had stretched a little with our choices for possible graduation speaker. For instance:

• Moammar Khadaffi: He’s interesting and we’ll bet he’s cheap.

• Tonya Harding: We hear that the job on “American Gladiators” didn’t work out. Plus we hear she’s cheap.

• Art Garfunkel or Erik Estrada, as an example to our aspiring musicians and actors that just being “horribly untalented and dismal” doesn’t mean you can’t be famous.

• Maybe one of the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park, just because it would be cool.

• Judge Joseph P. Wapner, to give his perspective on the Simpson trial.

• Warren G. Harding: He’d be our first president to speak. Big deal, so he’s “dead.” That didn’t stop Reagan.

• Field Marshal Ferdinand Foch: He led the French to the disastrous failure of trench warfare in World War I, so at least he probably won’t refuse an honorary Leadership doctorate.

• Jefferson Davis, so he’d look around Richmond and say, “What the Hell happened?”

• Aristotle/Aerosmith Girl: We could listen to one and look at the other. Besides, their names sound kinda alike.

• Ayn Rand, and we could have Mike Nimchek translate.

• Randolph Mantooth: Ha ha. Just because it’s funny.

• Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Bonus points for anyone who knows who he is.

Think about it, won’t you?